Sunday, May 6, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday 5-6-12


            Welcome to another installment of Six Sentence Sunday.  Today is a follow-up to last week's entry: the beginning of my new Contemporary Romance which is still going by the working title: How Long Does it Take to Fall Out of Love, or as I jokingly refer to it: HLDITTFOOL   Don't worry, I have a much shorter title in mind, just waiting on edits before making it official.
             Last week, Liz and Ronnie, best friends since their college days, were having lunch at a sidewalk cafe when the plastics plant exploded.  Today, we get Liz's impression of the scene:
                 

             Up and down the street people poured onto the sidewalks, pointing southward.  I saw a great pillar of black smoke billowing from the place where there should have been only tall towers, slim columns, and fat boilers.  Inside the smoke, orange flames licked at the edges of the deceptively serene noontime sky.
           I shaded my eyes and looked away.  It was too much, too surreal.  On the ground, dozens of black smudges caught my eye, grackles knocked out of the air by the concussive blast; the smaller gray spots were undoubtedly sparrows.


That's it for today!  See ya next Sunday.  If you would like to participate in Six Sentence Sunday, simply go to http://www.sixsunday.com/

20 comments:

  1. Love your description! Great six!

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  2. This really highlights the force of the blast. I love how you build the contrast. Fab job!

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  3. Very vivid description! I love the addition of the sparrows, it solidifies the intensity of the blast wave. I'd recommend removing 'I saw' from the second sentence, I think it would strengthen your voice. :) Great six!

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    1. That's a good call, Candice. I saw will be gone! Much cleaner, thanks!

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  4. Very different in style to last week's six. Great versatility in narration and I like it!

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    1. Thanks...I hope it all comes together after edits are complete. It is slated for publication on September 22nd. :)

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  5. concussive blast<--I love that. You've expressed beautifully here the shock of the situation. Well done.

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    1. Oh, thank you...I do like that word, concussive. :)

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  6. Wow, drama! Terrific description of the poor birds, excellent six.

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    1. Thanks, Veronica...do you go by Ronnie? One of my secondary characters is named Veronica/Ronnie. =)

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  7. Loved the build up and your descriptions!

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  8. The dead sparrows and grackles added to the intense moment. It tells me that your character really notices her surroundings and pays attention!

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    1. Thanks...I thought it added a little feeling of dread to the scene, too.

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